
Table Runners = Husband (Here's Hoping)
My two sisters are both married off in the biblical sense and after much sleuth work over the holiday season, I think I’ve uncovered the obvious link between them and obtaining lockdown: They’re all up into craft.
Allow me to explain:
In the company of either one of them, remaining stationary for five minutes runs the grave risk of being measured up for a felt jumper, or worse still, being drafted into any one of their crafting campaigns. This penchant for fashioning possie’s of flowers out of crepe is a phenomenon, but one which may just hold the key to a husband. To argue my point I’ve formulated an equation:
craft = a trigger to visualise home cooked meals in the male brain = courtship = home cooked meals = marriage proposal.
As much as the male species revolts at having their penholders trimmed with lace, the benefits may very well be perceived to outweigh this curse. But more frightening still, for those of us gals who can’t fathom designing our own wrapping paper, sites such as pinterest and etsy are only widening the husband nabbing gap further.
And so with that in mind, I’ve taken on the opinion: if you can’t beat them………..then scrapbook with them.
As much as my older sister Rach’s resume- which includes knitting a bath mat out of T-shirts- is impressive, I’ve decided to use my younger sister, Jess, as my craft mentor. She’s crocheted several rug and can glue stuff together at a breakneck speed.
I’m going to start off this super gluing, bow fastening journey to marriageville, by trying my hand at one of Jess’s Christmas accomplishment: glass table runners.
Motivated by my ticking biological clock, last week I got straight to work glass stuffing. I must say, I was so proud of my craftswomanship, that I felt motivated to name them.
Photos below by- insta @lit2last
Instructions:
Take a couple of glasses, add a handful of leaves, currants, shrubbery, petals, you name it, complete with water and a candle. Presto change-o! You’ll have yourself the ultimate centrepiece/husband.
I think I’m progressing fabulously to the point where I’m looking to marry myself, but then I turn to make coffee, and in the time that it takes me to do just that, look what Jess whips up (hand made bath salts).
She. Must. BE. STOPPED.

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Alida is a grammatically challenged writer based in Sydney Australia. She is also the author of three books. Learn more
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