Over the last couple of days I’ve felt as if I’ve been flapping about in the breeze. And no, in case you’re wondering, I didn’t head out for a run without the support of a sports bra in place. I did that some years ago and it’s unlikely that I’ll ever do it again. Although, I did make a couple of interesting discoveries at the time: I can single-handedly bring an entire construction site to a faster halt than a sausage sizzle stand. And I should know, because I saw one pull up in clean view of the same site- a sausage sizzle stand- and I remember observing a subtle buzz of work still in motion that day.

As I pounded that pavement, unrestrained by the intricate engineering of a high-end sports bra, a self-conscious feeling came over me. Due to the rain that had started to sprinkle, coming to a halt was not an option, and so I constructed a makeshift harness- my hands cupped about each bosom- and continued to canter towards home. Anyone who has themselves a large frontal region knows that trying to restore order to the full flight of jogging jubblies is about as counterproductive as trying to sink balloons in a tub of water. I finally gave up on applying manual restraints, which strangely helped: when I stopped worrying about what the unhindered motion might look like and began making like I was in a Baywatch rescue scene, it actually felt quite liberating. It also took care of waving to each of the construction workers as they whistled my way, in-turn restoring some much needed manners to the situation.

No, the flapping feeling I’m experiencing today is similar, but not the same as just mentioned. On picking the bones of its skeleton, I’m pretty sure I’ve finally pinpointed the origin of my flappy feeling: change.

In less than one week I’ll be publishing my first book- ‘Catch You ‘round Alligator’. However sadly, I’m feeling much like how the unrestrained motion of my bouncing bosoms made me feel- concerned for what others might think, a sense of being out-of-control, and worried that I’ll throw things so far out of shape that everything will come crashing to the floor. In the past, when anguish came up, I brought production to a halt. But this time constraints are forcing me to move forward.

Much like that day on the pavement, I keep trying to restrain these feelings of doubt with distractions and diversional techniques, and dare I say, mantras. But if history has taught me anything, it’s this: all of which only offer temporary relief.

So this time, what I’ve decided to do is draw upon the lessons learnt from my bouncing frontal region experience. Instead of trying to constrain fears, or allow them to bring me to a stand, I’m accepting their presence, bouncing about, without paying them too much mind- I’ll do my thing, and the flappy feeling can do its.

Strangely, once I started embracing the feeling of being slightly out of control, much like when I removed my manual constraint while jogging, the whole thing started to feel exhilarating.

So with fear still present, but accepted, all that’s really left for me to do is keep bouncing forwards towards my goal.

#LyLyAndBinh #CominAtYa