Eight years ago, when my stepdad lost his battle with cancer, I can still recall the initial reaction of mother:

This shouldn’t be happening. He can’t go!

As someone who had worked for thirteen years as a nurse, I found her reaction endearing, heartbreaking, and also, the standard response in Australia, and perhaps rightfully so. It is never nice to lose anything held dear, especially not the love of your life.

But it was also evident that her denial of his death might have been driving a wedge between her and reality.

I’m not suggesting that we cease to minimise loss where possible. What I’m suggesting is that the consensus that humans should live forever, or that if they do dare hightail it out, it should be done at a ripe old age and in a scenario often depicted in films- a collapse in a field with gentle breaths that slowly pitter out - is causing more harm than good.

In my role as a nurse, I daily tended to individuals on the brink of life and death. As hard as it was, I am grateful for the acceptance of mortality that it fostered in me. Slowly I began asking myself when and how humanity had grown so opposed to something that is inevitable to all?

The best I can come up with is that our resistance stems from what we’re taught as a child. Or more often than not, what we’re NOT taught.

From what I’ve been told, my stepdad first learnt of what death was from his own father suddenly passing.

In the west, we sweep the topic under a rug; and if on the odd occasion that it does come up, we describe it in a way that both directly, and indirectly, fosters fear.

It was just months after the passing of my stepdad that I decided to sit down and write a story about a father and daughter- Catch you ‘round Alligator. The book follows Ly Ly and Binh’s journey (Binh, a father of Vietnamese heritage, and Ly Ly, his daughter), from Ly Ly’s birth through to adolescents; and then later, to Binh’s passing. It concludes with the birth of Ly Ly’s own child, demonstrating the cyclic nature of existence. I later went on to illustrations the narrative and then finally publish it in the form of a picture book.

Through its pages, I wanted to educate children about the circle of life. I wanted to explain that grieving is normal; but also, that life would go on, and furthermore, the individual that had passed would go on too; not as before, but through the impact they had on those around them. I demonstrated that concept in its pages via Binh, who writes a note filled with fatherly advice for his daughter the day she is born, a priceless message that Ly Ly later passes on to her own child.

I wanted to show that death can be both sad, and beautiful; inevitable, and dare I say, embraceable.

When I initially wrote the book, I had no idea that a thing called Covid was to soon storm the world. For the first time ever, we were daily bombarded by figures that reinforce our mortality, the impact of which weighing heavily on future generations. I heard recently of a friend whose child was too scared to touch anything, even breath, out of fear of becoming infected. She had grown too scared to live.

There’s never been a more vital time to have open discussions surrounding death and dying with our children. But when doing so, can it be done in a way that saves them the anguish and terror that most of us carry throughout our lives? Can we teach them to treasure life and the people in it, with a level of understanding that over time individuals will come and go? After-all, that is one of the only truths we can rely on in this world.

Since its release, I have been surprised by how much my book has touched people, especially adults. I have been inundated by thank you messages and kind words, making me hopeful that society is open to change.

If you think my picture book, Catch You ‘round Alligator, could help you or someone you love, you can order your copy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at www.happyslothpress.com.