THE SECRET TO SUCCESS (AT LEAST THE KIND I NOW WANT TO BE PART OF)
Mumsie and I have found ourselves simultaneously single, which is most strange, although that’s not on account of me riding the solo train, but because Mumsie is a total husband magnet if ever there was one. Unfortunately, a couple of years back my step-dad was taken by the big C; so essentially she found herself single by default, unlike I who claimed the title through traditional means i.e. numerous childlike tantrums followed by final stormings-out.
We’ve both held this status for a couple of years now, and often discuss the tribulations of being the eligible, well-to-do broads that we are. Such a situation requires strategizing, I’ve long discerned, and so on many occasions we’ve broken down various game-plans for catching us our future mates. Although truth be told, none of our formulated breakdowns have actually broken down the impenetrable walls of suitors on a long-term basis, thus far. And, worse still on my account, my own flesh-and-blood siblings have backed my mother’s ability to bag her third husband over my ability to secure a first.
“I’d put money on Mumsie being the next in our family to get hitched”, my older sister Rach informed me, followed by a nod of agreement from my younger sis Jess, and lastly, the up-and-down motion of my own head in concurrence.
But regardless of Mumsie’s indisputable man-drawing supremacy, as someone who’s trudged down single lane much longer, I felt obliged to enlighten her on my top wrangling tactics:
“For God’s sake woman, put yourself out there! Men need you to spell it out to them these days”, I explained to her in no uncertain terms. But to give her a further head start in this area, I actually spelt it out to the bloke population too, with the words- ‘SINGLE TO MINGLE!’- written across the front of a T-shirt, accompanied with a photo of her face on the back.
Naturally, bribing and nagging the hell out of conquests also ranked quite high, as did suffocating them into submission with the mercilessness of a Spanx suit.
It’s safe to say that for some time mumsie took to these words like a fish to water.
Realising the odds now stacked against me, unbeknownst to mumsie, I decided to expand my market so that it included the lock down of my dream job as a paid writer, too. Oh, how I’ve been longing to wrap myself up in those folds of late. And, just like my attempts on the male species, I’ve been using every trick in the book — twisting the hand of writing attempts and impregnating my resume with previous jobs that I never obtained.
With my horizons broadened, I have to say that I did feel a sense of relief. That is until mumsie came home one afternoon and revealed that she had a new man friend. “We’re just going with the flow and allowing things to progress in their own time; we’ll just see where the wind takes us. We are exclusive now though”, she chuckled like a school girl.
None of the strategies she just mentioned featured in my game plan, which led me to wonder if I’d been going about this all wrong? And if so, how does one allow things to naturally grow, rather than off the back of desperate pursuit?
On account of sustaining many bloke-snagging setbacks of late, I decided to first try out this gradual approach with my creative pursuits. And I have to say that in just a week, the results have been astounding. Without the end result as my primary focus, inspiration comes effortlessly, its arrival a phenomenon. Although I still strategise and plan, there now comes a point when I’m trying to submit to movement and change.
Although I’m yet to become a paid writing, I can see that this free flowing approach is far less exhausting and can actually pick up some pleasing momentum. And, given the fabulous results that I’m getting on my creative endeavors, I think that once I do unleash these superior wrangling tactics onto the male populace, I might even give mumsie a solid run for her money for once in my life.
“All true artists, whether they know it or not, create from a place of no-mind, from inner space.” -Eckhart Tolle
Meet Alida
Alida is a grammatically challenged writer based in Sydney Australia. She is also the author of three books. Learn more
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